A Twisted Saiyajin Tale
by marysue dreck
Summary: Parody of fanfics both good and bad. All types.
1. An Introduction of sorts

**A Twisted Saiya-jin Tale:**

**Chapter One**

by: Mary Sue Dreck

(So, What? I've got to call myself something!)

Disclaimer:I am not Akira Toriyama, I don't own Dragonball, any of its sequels, Toei Entertainment, Bird Studios, Saban, Viz Graphic Novels, or Shonen Jump Magazine, and yet I am still writing a story using their characters! This A/U concept originally came from the story "Passion's Price" by Vegeta Goddess. Bwa Haa Haa Haa Haaaaaaa! No, seriously, please don't sue me. I am not getting a zeni for any of this.

Warning:Everybody in this story is totally out of character. I thought it would be funnier. Also, naughty language with a hint of lime.

Introduction:In 'Passion's Price', a sequel to 'Seduced by the Devil', Vegeta has just finished altering history by destroying Freiza and saving the Saiya-jin planet from destruction, on his trip back to his own time/dimension he lands in another dimension's past, on Planet Namek, and abducts their Bulma for his own private entertainment, they travel to different Dragonball eras until they hit Vegeta's. There they meet up with Cyborg Bulma, #17, #18, Gohan, and chibi Trunks. Vegeta introduces them to Young Bulma, smacks around #17 and Cyborg Bulma, and then hops into his time machine to find a new world for him and his new wife.

_'Passion's Price' chapter 5:_

"Vegeta….wait!", Gohan yelled after him. "There's one thing I don't understand…if you didn't plan on staying here then why did you come back?"

Vegeta climbed into the time machine and settled Bulma next to him. "Because I wanted to piss you all off", he answered.

"What a bastard." Seventeen condemned as the time machine disappeared from sight.

_The End (or was it?)_

Young Bulma looked down on the quickly fading group, and asked, "What about that kid? You know, our future son? Are we just going to leave him behind with Evil and Old Wrinkly Me and that effeminate vibrator she's boffing?"

Vegeta turned and looked at her and thought, "Hmmm, good point. Do I want Tin Can to be my son's new daddy? Oh, _HFIL_, no!". He said aloud, "Right, the brat, you want him? Technically he isn't your son, but a version of a kid you _might_ have. "

Young Bulma shrieked, "Of course, Baka! I don't care whose dimension he came from, he _is _my kid! I don't want any versions of my children to be raised by evil weirdoes in a dump like that!"

"Fine. We'll take the brat with us."

"I want him, but won't Old, Wrinkly Me want to keep him?"

Vegeta sighed, "She may want to hang on to him to spite me, but when she got knocked up she only had him to please her parents. They wanted grandkids, and she wanted Capsule Corp. Besides, I really doubt Tin Can wants a little Vegeta clone running around underfoot. The kid's got a……._mischievous _streak. But, they won't give him up if we don't offer them something in trade. You know, make 'em an offer they can't refuse."

Young Bulma looked out the window at the swirling colors of in-between-dimensions and nodded, "I see. Something they want or need, but can't get. Dragonballs or radar, maybe?"

"The Dragonballs were destroyed when Piccolo was killed"

"Masaka! How about Senzu beans? They got any of those?"

"They're made of plastic and metal, they don't actually get hurt."

The craft landed in a new dimension, it looked like some wilderness place on Earth. Vegeta and his new Bulma got out to look around.

"I don't sense the Ki of any sentient beings, just plants and animals. Let's have a look around.", Vegeta gathered Bulma up in his arms and took off skimming over the trees. They saw familiar geological landmarks, but none of the man made kind.

"It looks as if no sentient life evolved in this dimension. No signs of intelligent life anywhere." Bulma observed.

"Hhn, you think humans qualify as intelligent." Bulma punched Vegeta in the arm at this.

"Smart ass!" She giggled, "This might be a good place to take a break. Eat some lunch, take an inventory of what we have, what we need, talk about where we're going to stay permanently, give the time machine a tune up."

"Lunch is good, and the time machine runs on Warthian crystals. I was supposed to recharge them every four jumps. That was quite a ways back."

Bulma put her hand in her pocket and took out a dyna cap. **POOF! **There stood the spaceship that took her to Namek. She took out another capsule. **POOF! **In her hand was a remote control. She pressed a button and the portal opened.

"I encapsulated the ship as soon as we got to Namek. Krillin wanted to keep it with him, but I figured the little dork would just loose it."

"The design of the space ship and this time machine came from our space pods, they're probably are a lot alike mechanically."

"Hmmm, maybe we can integrate the drive components of your time machine with my space ship."

"Huh, what for?", Vegeta asked Bulma.

"Well, mainly we can travel in a little more style than that tiny broom closet of a time machine, but mainly I was thinking about………_sleeping _arrangements.", Bulma said significantly.

"Sleeping arrangements?", Vegeta questioned in a puzzled tone.

"You, me, and the kid, in a space that I have already pointed out that is the size of a broom closet, with one bed. Naturally we would all have to share the _single_ bed. It would be to crowded to do _any _other activities but sleep. If that." Bulma stated while she gave Vegeta a _suggestive _look.

"Oh, Yeah! Those _**other** _activities! A kid in the bed would put damper on the fun, huh?" Vegeta said as he wrapped his arms around Bulma.

"So after we eat lunch, I get to work on the ships, okay?"

"Okay, but before we eat lunch, I'm going to have **_dessert_**!" Vegeta said as he picked up Bulma and took her into her ship.

_Several Days Later……_

Bulma shoved Vegeta off of her and out of bed, "Right, that's enough dessert for you! I won't be able to walk right for a month, you horny monkey!"

"Bah, I need to train, anyway. Rolling around in the sack with you may be aerobic, but I need to pump iron, a _real_ workout. What about that gravity machine you invented for Kakkoroto? Did your father install one on this ship, too?" He got up and sat on the bed and Bulma leaned over and wrapped her arms around his shoulders.

"No, but I could alter the artificial gravity in part of the ship to make one. You wouldn't be able to do any Ki blasts, but you could exercise." Bulma answered while massaging him. She leaned over and started chewing on his earlobe.

"It'll have to do", He said turning toward her, "Hmm, How about seconds?"

_Several More Days Later……_

"Eeeek, that really is absolutely enough **_dessert_**!" And Vegeta landed on the floor once again. Bulma sat up and searched around for the remains of her clothing. "Ugh, these are nothing but disgusting rags now! I'm going to see if there is anything clean we can wear."

She wrapped the sheet around her and left the room. Vegeta groaned, got up from the floor and strolled out, naked, after her.

Bulma was rummaging around in some un-capsulized suitcases and foot lockers of clothing. "Ugly, gaudy Hawaiian shirts, size shrimpy. Must be Krillin's from when he lived with Master Roshi. Medium sized gi, in brown and black, must be Gohan's. And women's lingerie, extra large, don't know, don't _want _to know why Oolong had them in that old gym bag he left over at our house. I wonder how it got stashed in here? And, oh hey, finally my clothes! But, what about you, Vegeta? Krillin's clothes are too small, and Gohan's are too big."

Vegeta held up the brown gi, "Gohan is just a little kid in your time, how in the HFIL does he wear these?"

"Gohan a kid? Are you kidding? Goku's granddad is really old! I mean, he is only a few decades younger than Master Roshi, and that guy is a couple of centuries old!"

"Not Kakkorotto's granddad, Gohan. I mean his son by Chichi."

Bulma laughed and gave Vegeta a playful punch in the arm, "Quit joking around, Goku **MARRIED! **And to Chichi? Aha ha ha ha haaaaaaaa! Yeah, right!"

Vegeta felt a thrill run up his spine. Apparently this Bulma's dimension had a few _unique _variations in it. "He isn't married to the harpy?", he asked with rising interest. The less of Kakkorott or his spawn the better!

"Naw, no way! She tried to rope him into marrying him, along with every other guy, whether they were from the z-senshi or elsewhere. But she really didn't have any luck snaring a man 'till lately. And as for Goku, neither he nor his brothers are married."

"Brothers? You can't possibly mean Raditz and Turles. They're supposed to be dead!"

"Raditz and Turles? Oh, you mean Goten and Gochi. You and that other guy, Nappa, the other 'you', I mean, called them by those names. When 'you' came to earth to get the dragonballs, you said they were really aliens called Kakkorot, Raditz, and Turles." Bulma recalled.

Vegeta sat back and said, "I think we need to compare notes, because things in your dimension didn't go the same as they did in mine. Start with how you and that Baka met."

"Well", Bulma began, "It was like this, I was rummaging in the basement one afternoon, looking for something to do, and I found this orange ball with stars in it. I did some research and found out that it was one of the legendary Dragonballs."

She looked at Vegeta. Who responded with, "Ditto." She carried on with her story.

"Well, I packed up some stuff and was ready to open the door and take off after the rest of them when I heard this knock on the door. When I opened it there was this old man and three kids." Bulma got comfortable on the small couch in the ship's main room. Vegeta parked is tail stump next to her. He had a feeling this was going to be a long, long story. "He said his name was Son Gohan and these were his grandsons………"

_Flashback Time Folks_

An old Asian man stood in Bulma's doorway, he and the kids stood gawking at the huge conservatory dome. Bulma said, "Um, I'm kind of on my way out, so could you come back later?"

The geezer cleared his throat, "Ah hem, yes, that's what I want to discuss with you. You are off to seek the legendary dragonballs? I want to make a deal with you concerning my boys. If you take them along with you on your trip, you can have not only my dragonball here…", he held up his dragonball, "But you may also have my old master's, Muten Roshi's, the Kame-sennin, as well, and best of all you don't have to drop your knickers to get your hands on it!"

"Ecchiiii! Dirty old man! Get out of here!", Bulma began whacking him over the head with her purse.

"Gomen, Gomenasai! You misunderstand! I only want you to take the boys with you so they can be your bodyguards! As for Muten Roshi, well, he **_is _**an old pervert, and he will demand that sort of **_fee _**if you don't take my grandsons along."

"Bodyguards? They are two little kids and a teenager, how can they protect me?"

"I have been teaching them martial arts, but I want them to complete their training with my old master, Muten Roshi, after they have had a little adventure of course. I thought collecting the legendary dragonballs would be fun.", Old Gohan said wiping his brow. Being chased around by an irate Bulma worked up quite a sweat. "Yeah, fun."

"What about the wish? Who gets to make the wish? Them or Me?", Bulma went straight for the meat of the matter.

"Well, I thought I'd let you kids work out what you want between yourselves. Could be anything! Strawberries, a prince, a pair of panties from a hot girl! Anything you want.", Gohan answered. "Oh, and I read the boys this," He showed her a book entitled 'Human Sexuality And Reproduction: The illustrated version', "So there won't be any _confusion _as to what you've got up your skirt." This led to another fit with Bulma, but eventually Gohan got her calmed down and she and the boys set off on their incredible journey.

_End Of Flashback Folks_

"So I said yes, and we met Oolong, Yamucha and Puar, Gyuu Mau and Chichi, and a while later Krillin, Tenshinhan, Chao Tzu, and everybody over the years."

"Yeah, same with my Bulma, except Turles and Raditz never came to earth with Kakkorot, they came as adults and planned on purging it one way or another." Vegeta answered.

"Gochi and Goten are evil in your dimension. Kuso! I can't believe it!"

"Well, Turles, was raised by space pirates and tried to plant an evil, life

draining tree on earth and was blasted into HFIL. Raditz came to earth when the

Baka was about, oh, I guess 25 or 26, to find out why he didn't finish purging the

planet and signal for pick up. Goku fought him, Gohan, Goku's little brat, not his

Granddad, ended up kidnapped, he gets rescued by the Baka and Piccolo, Goku

fights him some more, and pins Raditz down so Piccolo can finish him off, the

Baka gets nailed to, Raditz tells them Nappa and I are going to show up for the

Dragonballs for a wish in a year. Dead Baka trains with King Kai in next

dimension, Baka's loser friends train at Kami-sama's, one year later me and Nappa

show up right on schedule, Saibamen kill your weakling boyfriend, Nappa finishes

Triclops and Mime Boy, or rather, they finish themselves, and the big baka swoops

in, alive and well, to save his brat and Cue Ball, Nappa gets thrashed royally, I

perform mercy killing to spare us both anymore of his stupidity, Goku and I square

off, the Baka hands me my ass on a platter, which wouldn't have happened, by the

way, if that sack of lard, Yajirobe, didn't cut off my poor tail, and then the Baka

_mercifully _sends me home to Freiza." Vegeta recaps a good portion of Dragonball

Z for Bulma, who looks at him like he fell out of a nut tree and hit every branch on

the way down.

"Well, that is _sort of _like my world, but, um, ah, not quite. In our

dimension Kami-sama gets some kind of divine evil alert message from somewhere

and tells his evil grandchild and the Z senshi they have to use the dragonballs to go

to King Kai's place to train, because some big, bad ass alien's--" At this Vegeta

snickers, and Bulma elbows him to stop, "Like I was saying, some aliens are going

to show up shortly and destroy the earth and steal the dragonballs, so they decide

to do it and have me wish them back to earth a year later when they are finished

training, which I thought was pretty dumb, because they could have just used the

Dragonballs to wish themselves stronger than the evil, bad ass aliens, and not

wasted a year dicking around with the creepy, bad-joke-telling, jerk, but, hey,

whoever listens to me?" Bulma said. "So a year passes by, and lo and behold, who

is the bad ass aliens? 'You' and some bald, pantless loser. You demand the

Dragonballs, fight ensues, Yamucha gets toasted, the rest of the Z-senshi becomes

cannon fodder, oh, pardon me, Saibamen fodder, Nappa killed by Gochi and

Goten, they keel over from exhaustion, Goku and you scuffle some," Vegeta yelps

at 'scuffle', "and then tail-loss ensues by Yajirobe, you take off to namek, and all of

sudden this big guy with a monkey tail shows up, he looks just like Goku and

Goten and sort of like Gochi, too. Big revelations! He is the boys' father, he tells

them they are aliens called Saiya-jin, that Prince Stick-up-his-squeaky-ass, (Vegeta

yelps again at this) _Sorry Vegeta! he really, really is that way! _Prince 'You' is

supposed to use the dragonballs to make himself a super Saiya-jin, because about

two or three decades ago his father, or uncle, or _somebody_, killed this cross

dressing lizard, and the lizard's father finally figured out it was the monkey butts

(Vegeta really yelled "HEY!" at this) and was out for revenge! But, other 'you'

has other plans for the dragonballs, not lizard extermination. Well, anyway, me,

Gohan, and Krillin take off to Namek with Bardock to get the, **_SURPRISE,_** other

set of Dragonballs, we were waiting for Goku to catch up in his ship when you

kidnapped me." Bulma finished her dimension's version of events.

Vegeta looked thoughtful, "I have a pretty strong feeling that your dimension is the one I was sent to by #17 and Old Bulma. After we snatch 'our' kid from Mr. and Mrs. Tobor, we'll definitely return to your dimension and time."

"Oh, goody, I was hoping you'd say that." Bulma leaned over to kiss him, "After we take care of the other 'you' and the pervy reptiles, you can destroy Dr. Gero and his nasty robots before they can make any trouble for _my _world."

_Before they got started on their project they decided they had room a third helping of Vegeta's favorite 'dessert'_


	2. Wherin Bulma lays some heavy news on the...

**A.T.S.T.: Chapter the 2nd**

By:Somebody, Somewhere

Disclaimer:Don't own Dragonball, etc. etc. etc., blah, blah, blah. Seriously, could anyone really mistake me for Akira Toriyama and co.? I don't think so.

Acknowledgments:I wrote this fanfiction for the Insaiyan site for Vegeta Goddess' open fanfiction contest about 8 months ago and never submitted it. It was based on the A/U and plot in "Seduced by the Devil" and "Passion's Price", which she wrote.

Warning:Out of Character-ness, naughty language, and yes, horror of horrors,** HUMOR**.

Chapter 2:

_A month passes as Bulma finishes the upgrades on the new-and-improved spaceship/time machine/dimensional crossing whatever-you-want-to-call-it hybrid really-good-gas-mileage vehicle and Vegeta gets in some serious iron pumping. They stock up on supplies for whatever situation they think they may encounter on Namek and during the 'liberation' of Chibi Mirai Trunks. But, first, Bulma has some news for Vegeta…._

Bulma brushed her hands off on her slacks and looked nervously at her new 'husband'. "Vegeta, before we go, there is something I have to tell you." She took a deep breath, "I'm late."

"So the gizmo isn't ready. We'll just leave in a couple of days. Or weeks. No big deal. We literally have all the time in the world.", Vegeta answered as he chinned himself up on the bar of some newly built gym equipment.

"No, Vegeta, I'm _LATE_, late!" she emphasized.

"Oh, Do you mean THAT kind of late? Well, it shouldn't be much of a shock, really. I mean, we've been all over each other like bunnies in heat. How do you feel about two brats? Do you want more than just the one?" Vegeta replied calmly still chinning away.

Bulma reaches up and tickles his ribs.

"Hey, ha ha ha, knock it, ha ha ha, off!", and he crashes to the ground.

"Well of course I want more than one, I want to have lots and lots of your babies, well, okay, two really, but maybe a third if this kid turns out to be another Trunks. I always wanted at least one little girl." Bulma replies staring down at him, hands on hips.

Bulma leaned down and helped pull him up from the floor.

"Hhn, that's nice for a change, a Bulma who _actually _likes the idea of getting knocked up by me."

At this, Bulma punched him and said, "'Knocked Up!' What thing to say!"

So as they made their final preparations for departure and scoured the dimension's primitive, undeveloped planet for valuables to take on their trip back to their respective homes. They also compared notes on where their dimensions history diverged.

"So Bardock survived snotty mini me, huh, and all three of his spawn ended up on Chikyu?" Vegeta asked Bulma.

"Yeah, apparently he purged this world of fortune tellers, and they cursed' him with the ability to see the future, although, if they could see the future, and knew someone was going to kill all of them you'd think they would of a.) got out of Dodge City, I mean left the planet **OR **b.) had a nasty little surprise waiting for the planet purgers **OR **c.) Both of the above. At least that's what I would have done if it had been me. So anyway it was like this…."

_Folks, this is going to be a chapter **full** of flashbacks._

Bardock's space pod had all but crash landed on Vegeta-sei. He staggered out of the ship and looked around at the dock personnel. He had made it back just before Freiza was scheduled to destroy the planet. He had another flash of the future.

_Babbling to the Saiya-jin surrounding him of __the impending planetary doom he staggered down the street and collapsed __at a local bar. The other patrons whispered and giggled over the 'drunk'. _

_As he was helpless to stop or even warn them of the end, Freiza arrived, __and then it was far too late. Kakkoroto was launched to Earth and was __raised as a native, Turles was picked up in his pod by pirates and raised __as a pirate and is killed by 'Goku', Raditz grew up Freiza's slave and died __in combat with his own long lost brother. Nappa and Vegeta killed by __'Goku' a year later and Freiza dies on Namek. _

Bardock abruptly straightened up, "Out of my way! I have to attend the launch of my youngest son!" He ran as fast as his he could, even though he was still badly disoriented by the alien's curse. And then it happened. Freiza had arrived, but instead of destroying the planet, Freiza was the one destroyed, by a Super Saiya-jin, a legend, he claimed to be a stranded time traveler.

The terrible future Bardock had foreseen was averted and as one of Vegeta-sei's top scientist he was assigned to find away to get rid of, er, **_assist _**the time traveler in returning to his rightful place. The legend leaves and it seems that things will turn out all right for the Saiya-jin, if it weren't for one person: the new King Vegeta.

This Vegeta was a whiny, squeaky over-pampered twit. The little brat was a self indulgent, self important, egotistical snot-faced creep! Bardock and all the other Saiya-jin knew they were in for a rough time with the little creep, but only Bardock knew about the Dragonballs.

_A great dragon filled the sky surrounded by seven glowing spheres. _

_"Reflect a moment upon your desire…."_

Bardock called his older sons to him, "Boys, we're going to go on a little vacation…"

Bardock wasn't entirely sure what the dragon or the glowing spheres meant, but in his previous visions of the other future they seemed the center of his youngest son's new life. In his vision he saw his son and various companions killed in battle and then magically restored to life, (an impossible feat!) made possible, somehow, by these glowing spheres. He knew that somehow he would find his youngest, weakest son and the old man he saw in his visions and then they would lead him to these Dragonballs.

The old man was sweeping the walk in front of his cabin with his newly acquired grandson tied on his back when a bright light streaked across the night sky. He leaned on his broom like a walking stick as he tracked the small, round silver object with his eyes.

"Shimatta, I wonder who's gonna show up on my doorstep now?"

_Hey, I told you guys this chapter was lousy with flashbacks!_

A tall, wild haired man and two young kids stood in front of the geezer with the baby. A casual observer would have immediately noticed a resemblance between the large, _tailed _man and all three _tailed _children.

The large man looked at the old geezer and said, "We need to talk."

And they did talk long into the night and for a good portion of the next day. Finally, some agreement was reached between them and the large man left _without _any of the children.

Curiously enough, before the large man left the planet he returned to his pod-like vehicle and came back to the cabin in the woods with what appeared to be a first aid kit. Moments later inside the cabin there came a yells of "OUCH, ARGHHH, DADDY PLEASE STOP!NOT THE TAIL! NOT THE TAIL!" A short time later an observer would have seen the old geezer with the wailing _tail-less _baby on his back and two _tail-less _little kids with X-shaped bandages on each of their bums wave good bye to the large man.

When the vehicle was out of sight the old man turned to the kids and said, "Let's get packed up. I want to be ready for tomorrow. We should leave early if we are going after the dragonballs."

_Several months later……_

The clouds roiled and thunder flashed in the night sky, an enormous serpentine _something _filled the sky. It resolved itself into a huge snakelike dragon.

**_"Reflect a moment upon your desires…"_**

The old geezer looked up at the dragon and said, "I wish the _previous _King Vegeta to be returned to life, the father of the _current _King Vegeta."

"**GRANTED**"

_END FLASH BACK SEQUENCE aren't the special effects in this fanfic just fabulous?_

"So my father got wished back to life?", Vegeta asked, "I bet that pleased the little bastard no end. Having to go back to being '_Prince __Vegeta'_!"

"Yeah, you can bet it did", Bulma replied, "Well, that's how Goku and his brothers ended up on Chikyu-sei. Bardock told Grandpa Gohan it was their tails that let them transform and also told him that if he didn't want to die of accidental trampling he'd better keep them from seeing the full moon or get rid of their tails. He hated to get rid of their 'Saiya-jin pride', but his visions told him they wouldn't really need them to become super strong, and Gohan insisted. Gramps didn't care for the part of the vision where he gets squished flat."

"So my father returns to life and mini-me gets a nasty surprise. Heh, when I was trapped in the past, that little snot was looking for some comeuppance. I _literally _hated myself. Why didn't Bardock just wish himself into a super Saiya-jin and take out the little creep and take over Vegeta-sei. We Saiya-jin aren't that sentimental about weak leaders, and we wouldn't pass up the opportunity to grab power, food, oh heck, anything for ourselves."

"Well, he probably would have if he knew the true power of the Dragonballs. However, he only saw visions of them returning people to life. So, he shows up on Gohan's doorstep and tells him he purges planets for a living. You think that old geezer is dumb? Hah! No way! He lets Bardock think the only power dragonballs have is returning people from the dead, and only he has the power to summon the dragon. Well, Bardock has to be satisfied with the return of 'old' King Vegeta. The Saiya-jin spend the next couple of decades fighting off an army of angry Aisu-jin led by King Cold. In the meantime on Chikyu-sei, me and the Z-senshi go off on our merry adventures. Then, all of a sudden, last year, who do you suppose shows up? 'You' and Nappa. 'You' want Goku and company to take care of the Aisu-jin. Apparently, 'You' were warned as a child to get rid of the infant Kakarotto, but 'You' sent him off to Chikyu-sei anyway. 'You' said you were sure you would be stronger than some third rate Baka and weren't worried."

"I know from personal experience just who gave the squeaky twit that advice. I knew he'd never take it. Well, I was actually looking forward to that little jerk getting the beating Kakkorotto doles out, and now I know he actually got it I'm not the least bit surprised or disappointed."

Bulma drew back to get a better look at him. "You sound as if you hate 'yourself' as much as I hated 'myself'."

"I did, and I still do!"

They ate dinner and were finishing up 'dessert' whenVegeta yawned and stretched. "Ahhhhh, so Kakkorotto didn't get suckered into marrying the harpy? That's a story I'd really like to hear. Your version must not be nearly the third class baka mine was."

"I get why you refer to him as 'third class', but why do you keep referring to him as a fool?"

"That grinning dolt? Even if he didn't have his skull cracked open as a kid the goody two shoes is always going on about 'the right thing to do' until even his team mates want to scream. I mean the guy is so dumb he didn't finish Freiza off the first time when he had the chance. For that matter, he didn't finish me off and my whole goal in life until he keeled over from heart disease was killing him. Bah, mercy!" Vegeta answered. "And don't get me started on him and women and biology, his fear of needles, and his personal hygiene!"

To this Bulma said, "What head injury?"

_Yes, folks this is the cliff hanger for chapter three_


	3. Wherin the dreadful truth is revealed!

**A Twisted Saiya-jin Tale: Chapter the Third**

By: Wonder Woman

(Nyeh, Nyeh, Nyeh! I can call myself any damn thing I like!)

Disclaimer: Hi, I'm really am Akira Toriyama, but I'm being held captive in a state run institution for the insane, they claim I'm a short, fat blonde girl and not a middle aged Japanese man. They also say I don't really own Dragonball Z/GT or any other intellectual properties owned by Toriyama-sama. Which is impossible because I'm not really a short, fat blonde chick, am I? Am I? _Looks in mirror_**Oh, crap! **Please don't sue author of this relatively harmless fanfic, all she owns is a grubby bathrobe and collection of used tissues. And 'no' people she isn't Toriyama-sama. DUH!

_In the last chapter Vegeta and Bulma decide to compare notes on their life histories as well as their world's histories._

Bulma listened to Vegeta's mini rant about Goku losing his Saiya-jin programming from a child hood fall on the head. During which she just stared at him as if _he _had a head injury.

"What head injury?"

Vegeta rolled over and stared at her wide eyed, "The one that made him a baka. The one that made him forget his mission to purge Chikyu-sei. The one that nearly killed him as a chibi!" His voice got higher and higher.

Bulma looked at him even more strangely and repeated, "What head injury?"

"There was no head injury? But, But….." Vegeta stuttered, "But why did he turn out _good? _He fell off a cliff, landed on his head, and was a dumb sap ever since."

"Well, he and his brothers were pretty wild as kids, but they calmed down a lot when they were de-tailed, and any ways their father told them to listen to the old man who was going to raise them. However, they still got to be a little too much for Gohan to handle, so he gathered up the Dragonballs again and made a wish. He wished they'd be nice boys and they were ever since."

"So they forgot their Saiyan programming with dragon magic? Not brain damage?"

"Sure"

"Why did Bardock dump all his brats on Chikyu, anyway?"

"Well, he had a vision of Goku becoming a Super Saiya-jin on Earth, or because of Earth, so he decided that one Super Saiyan in the family was good, but three was even better."

"Sounds like something I'd do. Or any Saiya-jin."

"Besides, Vegeta-sei was now surrounded by angry, cross dressing alien reptiles, he decided that a nice, obscure back water place might be a good place for his family to hide out. Just in case the vision of his home world blowing up might come true after all."

"I always thought he was a little to sharp for a third rate Saiya-jin."

"No grass growing under his feet, that's for sure."

"So, how did "I" find out about the dragonballs? I don't think I gave that away to the little twit, but I was more concerned with killing Freiza and getting back home to 'you'."

"Well, 'you' learned about them the first time 'you' ended up on

Chikyu-sei."

"YOUR version of me landed on Chikyuu-sei? When? HOW?" The cranky prince demanded. "This I've got to hear?"

_Yes, folks! Flash back time is upon us once again. Prepare yourselves for the thrills and chills. This is _Dun, Dun, Dunnn! _Flashback._

The night sky flashed with lightning and rumbled with thunder. A familiar snake-like shape began to form itself in the dark clouds.

_"Reflect a moment upon your desires………"_

Emperor Pilaf and his gang had appeared and Bulma was sure they were going to kill them all.

The seven glowing crystalline spheres floated around the giant beast.

She had to beat the little blue creep to the dragon. If he ruled the world it wouldn't matter if his 'minions' killed them or not. In fact, the HFIL would be better than a world run by him.

She and Oolong were neck and neck for the finish line and they both shouted simultaneously their 'desire'. So did the others, a moment too slow, but whatever they said was lost in a crack of thunder, except Goku who manage to crawl out from the melee of 'heroes' and villains.

"I want a prince my age….."

"………panties!"

"CAKE with lotsa frosting!"

**"Granted"**

The dragon soared upwards toward the heavens. The spheres scattered to the four corners of the globe. The night sky became peaceful and still once more, and the stars appeared, bright and sparkling.

Everyone present paused what they were doing.

The angry, ugly blue gnome-creature snarled, "What was granted? I'd better be king!"

Everyone looked around at each other. Hmm, good question.

In the starry sky some sort of black ovoid appeared. It grew and grew until it was about ten feet long and slightly more across. It was like a black hole. A whirling vortex suspended in midair. And suddenly a far off scream could be heard quickly coming closer and closer. Out of the hole in the night sky plummeted a human figure, well a humanoid figure in any case.

"AAAAIIIIIIIIIII", shrieked the creature.

**Whaaaaaaaaaam!**

It crash landed on Emperor Pilaf and mashed the little jerk flatter than a tortilla. The creature stood up and stood silhouetted in all it's _short_, pointy-haired glory.

The hovering vortex slowly shrank to nothing and disappeared.

Yamucha looked at Puar and said, "I think we need some light."

"Yes, master!", she squeaked in reply and transformed into a flashlight.

Bulma turned to Oolong and snarled, "YOU TOO, Porky!" The pig grumbled but complied.

The being turned out to be a short kid wearing nothing but a tiara and a pair of pink lace panties and covered head to toe in butter cream frosting and marzipan flowers! Everyone was rendered speechless.

Except for the er, person they all starred at.

"What just happened? Where am I? WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS? Do you know who I am? I demand you tell me! I am the Ki…er, PRINCE of all Saiyans! I demand you answer me!"

Everybody turned and starred at each other open mouthed in shock and then turned back to the angry, sugar coated mini monarch.

"KUSO", He screeched. "ANSWERS!", which was punctuated with a **HUGE **Ki blast.

They barely had time to dodge it. All at once they all started babbling answers.

"Dragonballs……"

"…..Wishes!"

"All that stupid pig's fault…."

"Where's my cake?"

"……Poor Emperor Pilaf is dead!"

The last one was chorused by Mai and Shuu. Every body turned to look at the pair standing over what was left of Pilaf. What wasn't smeared down the pointy headed guy's front, that is. It was nasty and squished out of any recognizable shape.

"'Poor'? 'Poor'!" Bulma demanded. "Are you crazy? How can you even care about him? He treated you like crapola! He blamed you for his mistakes and beat you! Good riddance! And worst of all, he was going to kill_ me_!", she yelled down at them.

Suddenly,Bulma thought of something, and she turned to the outraged stranger. "You killed him?", she said slowly as if realizing something. "You killed him and saved all of our lives. You saved my life. You're a hero. You're a hero and a prince!"

Her voice rose excitedly as she ran up to him babbling, "You're _my_ hero and _my _prince."

Then, without a thought for the frosting and Pilaf goo coating the peeved and pointy potentate, she flung her arms around him and started smothering him with kisses. Between kisses, "You saved…" _**smooch** _"…me!" **_smooch_** "You…" **_smooch _**"…saved me!" **_smooch _**"I think you're really terrific!" **_smooch smooch smooch!_**

The pointy haired teenager's reaction to being kissed by teenage pinup girl was not the usual reaction of a teenage boy's. With a look of complete revulsion he shoved her off of him.

"Uuugh, oh, gross, ALIEN SLOBBER! Stay back, you hideous freak of nature! Come near me again, and I'll blast you into the next dimension!", he yelled as he spit the girl taste out of his mouth and then rubbed the back of his hand across it. "That was completely disgusting! Stay back!"

_At this point our Vegeta interrupted Bulma's story……_

"Do you mean to say that the little jerk-wad had a chance to boff you, in all your nubile, teenage Playboy Bunny suited glory, and he passed it up? Are you really telling me that? BAKA! I knew I should have stayed and killed the little pissant and taken over Vegeta-sei!" Vegeta was incredulous. "I can't believe it. I can not believe it."

"It's all true, I swear it. Right down to the last frosting garland and rosebud."

"Wait, how come you were surprised I knew your name when I snatched you on Namek?"

"Because, right after 'you', er, he shoved me away he looked at me with that scouter thingee he was wearing, he said I only measured five ki points, and from then on he acted like I didn't exist at all. Then after the others explained how he got to earth, he got mad and took off in a snit. The Son family took off to track him down. Oolong went home and Yamucha and Puar came to stay with me. The last I saw or heard of the little fruitcake was on news reports of him devouring an entire zoo of endangered tropical birds, scaling the empire state building on arampage, looting Victoria Secrets, and so on. He stayed with Goku and his family, but he was such a prick that at the end of the year they begged me to help them find the dragonballs to send him back to where ever he came from. That's how we got mixed up with the Red Ribbon Army. They wanted the Dragonballs, Son-kun wanted them more."

"So he got the dragonballs and gave mini me the heave ho?"

"Right!"

"So what was that crack about Victoria's Secret?"

"I was serious about the lingerie stores. He really did rob some."

"More than one?"

"Umm, well you know you two aren't that much alike. I mean, you look alike. Well, sort of, but you don't really _act _that much alike. In fact, you aren't _acting _anything like him at all."

"Do I really want to hear this?", Vegeta asked with a pained grimace.

"Errrr, well, maybe not.", came Bulma's answer.

"I'd better hear this. Just give it to me straight."

"Funny you should use the word 'straight'. Well, It isn't just alien girls he's grossed out by, it's all females. And him and Nappa just weren't sparring partners, either."

"Nnnnnnn, nnnnnn, naaaaaaa……" Vegeta tried desperately to respond, "nnnaaaaaaannnnnnnnnniiiiiii, nani,nani,nani?"

He started to choke and Bulma leaned over to pound him on the back. He coughed and gasped. "Nappa? He and Nappa? NAPPA? If he had to be gay, why NAPPA? WHY? WHY? WHY?" Vegeta pressed his hands to his forehead and wept.

"Anyone but Nappa!"

"Then you probably don't want to hear the rest of it, then."

"There **can not** be more! There can't!"

"Forget I mentioned It."

"No, let me have it straight." He winced at the word 'straight'.

"Well, you know how I said 'you' came to earth for the dragonballs?" she waited for him to nod. "Well, the other 'you' didn't get into a fight with the z-senshi over them, it was something else." She was hesitant.

"I'm afraid to ask."

"Yamucha."

"NANI?"

_Yes, folks. It's another one of those darn cliff hangers._


	4. Back to the future, Baby!

**A Twisted Saiya-jin Tail: chapter the fourth**

By: Mary Sue Dreck

(Yes, I am still calling myself that.)

Disclaimer: Dragonball, Dragonball Z, Dragonball GT, In order: Don't own it, Don't own it, Don't like it. Any questions?

Read Chapter 3 to the end if you don't get this next part.

_The following sequence is yet another flashback, one of many in this fanfic._

Bulma stood outside the Son's cabin watching the figures floating above her in the sky. The pointy headed loser was back after ten long years. He and his pal wanted the Sons and the rest of the Z-senshi to collect the dragonballs for them. They floated downward, and she ran inside to listen from, she hoped, a safer spot. The others stood ranged with their backs to her, and the pinhead and his flunky faced them.

'Vegeta' gave out his ultimatum. 'Hand over the Dragonballs or Chikyuu-sei is charcoal briquettes'. While 'Vegeta' stood there smirking evilly at them, Nappa, his sidekick was giving one of them an especially _pointed _evil smirk. He was practically licking his lips and drooling.

While Goku stepped aside to confer with his grandpa, the z-senshi sidled closer together for mutual protection. And Nappa sidled closer to one member in particular.

Vegeta noticed the leer Nappa was favoring Yamucha with.

"Baka, how dare you! He is nothing but a weakling! And an ugly weakling besides! How dare you insult your Prince! Everyone knows I am the only truly gorgeous being in the universe."

_Shades of Snow White's evil stepmother!_

"I was only wondering where he got that divine gi. Honest! That shade of tangerine is **_so_** in this season. Really, pooky, I wouldn't flirt with anyone but you. You're my one and only. In the whole universe, there is nobody but you who looks as hot as you do in your special leotard and armor."

_At this point Vegeta interrupted Bulma's narrative. "Special leotard and armor?"_

_"Yes,** thong** style. With extra armor spikes. And a cape.", was Bulma's answer._

_Vegeta, who was stunned speechless with the horror of it, only groaned and motioned with his hand for her to continue._

"Liar, Liar, Liar! Every time I have my back turned you're hitting on whatever piece of sailor meat that comes swishing by!", This dimension's Vegeta shrilled. "How dare you? Well, I'll teach you to fool around behind my back!", and with that he charged up his ki and Yamucha was reduced to nothing but a charred crater.

The rest of the z-senshi and the Sons leaped to attack and Nappa quickly followed Yamucha on an all-expenses-paid vacation to the next dimension. Ass-whoopings got doled out all around. A tail-less Vegeta made a hasty retreat to his pod. A tearful Bulma made Krillin and Yajirobe drag the two survivors, Goku and Gohan, to a hospital.

When the others had recovered, the spaceship was prepared and they were off to Namek.

"Wait a minute!" Vegeta said when he recovered, "I felt Freiza's ki when I snatched you on Namek! He's not alive again, is he?"

"No, this Freiza guy everyone goes on about is still dead. You must have felt his dad, King Cold."

"Thank, Kami-sama! So 'I' came to Earth to get the Dragonballs to destroy the Ice-jin?"

"Umm, not _exactly_. That's what you _were _supposed to use the Dragonballs for, but you actually had other plans for them."

"Well, then 'I' came to wish myself stronger?" Vegeta asked nervously.

"Umm, no!", Bulma answered cagily.

""I' was going to wish 'myself' immortal, that's it, right?"

"No.", Bulma was beginning to look a little shifty.

"The other me was going to wish to rule the universe, right? **_Right_**?

"Um, no."

"_What_ exactly was I going to wish for?"

"_mumble, mumble, mumble, hair, mumble_, was Bulma's answer in a really tiny voice.

"Errrr…Didn't quite catch that?"

"_mumble, mumble, mumble….hair…mumble_", came again in a voice that was just a trifle louder.

"**SPEAK UP, WOMAN!", **Vegeta no Ouji shouted at the top of his lungs.

"You wanted long, wavy, silky manageable hair like a shampoo commercial girl! You were jealous of Zarbon's!"

We interrupt this fanfic for an authorial note. If you've been wondering what Goku and his brother's names translate out to be the answer is the following:

Go(ku)-stars Go(ten)-heavens Go(chi)-earth

Ibelieve the 'go' in all of these is the kanji character name honorific. The kanji, represented by ( ) are in Nelson's new Kanji dictionary. I only made up the last one. Blame somebody else (who's name translates to Bird Mountain) for the first two.

_thank you _

Bulma fanned Vegeta where he collapsed onto the floor.

He groaned tragically. "That little shrimp had a chance to rid Saiyans of their worse enemies in the whole universe and save his people and he blew it for Hollywood hair? Tell me I just had a bad dream."

"Sorry, it's all true."

"We have to go back to Namek."

"Yes."

After a few more days the daring duo was finally ready to make their journey back to the Namek-sei of the past, but they still had nothing of value to trade for Vegeta's Trunks. They decided to scout around in each dimension they leap-frogged to for valuables a power mad, demented android would want instead of a pre-schooler. So far exotic plants and animals were all they found in their current place. Nothing Cyborg Bulma and company would be especially interested in. Except maybe the reptiles. In the form of shoes and a matching handbag.

They checked and double checked the newly modified ships systems and everything was running and ready to go. They climbed into their seats buckled up and engaged the engines. The ship roared to life and within a moment they were whirling through the soup of non-space and non-time.

**_POP! _**They landed in another dimension, but which dimension and how far into the past or future, and on which planet? Boy, this would be a good place to leave off with another cliff hanger. Naaw!

"Eww, icky! What is that!" Bulma squealed.

Vegeta leaned over to look out the porthole Bulma was pointing out of. "It looks like the illegitimate offspring of Dodoria and the Stay Puffed Marshmallow Man."

"It seems to be doing some kind of dance and singing!"

"Huh, looks like a big fool. He doesn't seem very strong."

"I don't know. You said that about that weird green guy. Didn't he say he _ate _the counterpart of you in that dimension."

"He said he absorbed me, but that's a good point. I don't see anything familiar about this place, and I doubt there is anything valuable either."

"Well, let's just give this slot machine another pull and maybe we'll come up all cherries."

"Knowing my luck it'll be straight lemons."

"Hey, you ended up with me! That was lucky!"

"Bah." Vegeta got a punch in the arm for that 'bah'.

The space ship rumbled to life as the ugly, pink glob caught sight of them and went **_POP! _**out of sight. The oddly, high pitched creature squealed, "Wait, Buu hungry!"

They drifted through non-time in a whirl of sickening colors and energy flashes until some kind of bizarre anomaly headed for them.

"Let's drop into another dimension. I'm pretty sure we don't want to be hit by that whatever it is.", Bulma said as she gestured toward the porthole.

"Fine. But let's not stay long.", came Vegeta's answer.

**_POP! _**They landed outside of what looked like the palatial Capsule Corp. dome. But, something was slightly off. It was a burnt out shell. The buildings around it were in a similar condition. The trees and bushes had grown wildly, and the lawns were choked with weeds. Birds and wild animals had clearly moved into the abandoned buildings.

"Vegeta, is this your home dimension again?", Bulma asked as they got out to look around.

"Nooooo, I don't think so. My place was a rubble heap. With no signs of life, really. This place looks like it's been abandoned and taken over by nature.", came his answer.

Just then they heard cackling coming from somewhere behind them. A very old man hobbled out from behind one of the little, round capsule houses. He laughed and laughed until he started to choke.

"Hey, geezer! What's so funny.", Vegeta demanded as he pounded the old geezer on the back.

The old man had a slightly lilac tinged white beard which hung down to his knees, which matched his slightly lavender tinged locks of hair. He was dressed in an old jacket with a round insignia on it who's lettering had faded away completely. Slung on his back was a rusty old sword. He continues to cackle toothlessly at the young couple.

"Looks like my mum, she does! You look like father!", the ancient geezer said, "Can't be 'though."

"We look like your parents.", The Prince of all Saiya-jin asked.

"Only met pop once, but mum I had till I was seventeen, eighteen years old. Can't remember exactly. Can't 'member how old I am."

"What's your name, old timer.", Bulma had an idea she knew who this was, she wasn't a genius for nothing.

"It's Underwear, or maybe it's Britches or Knickers possibly?", he answered and questioned at the same time. Scratching his head with long, black clawlike nails. "Panties?"

"You can't remember?"Vegeta questioned, but he had also guessed the geezer's real name. "Could it be _Trunks_?"

"TRUNKS! TRUNKS! IT IS TRUNKS!", he shrieked excitedly.

"Why didn't you remember your own name?", Bulma asked a future son.

"Cause no one has called me anything for years. Nobody but me and you and him is alive. Haven't seen anybody in…in…um, in I don't know when. Haven't talked to anybody either. Haven't talked at all since I was a teenager, 'cause there was nobody to talk to."

Vegeta and Bulma exchanged looks. "What happened to everyone?", came the obvious question.

"Androids came and killed half the population including my daddy and my grandparents and mama's friends. A plague killed people, too, even the strongest man in the universe. Even he couldn't fight it. Destroys the heart, it did. It even killed Goku, until mama made a vaccine, she did. She, my mama, took me and Sensei out to the forest to live. Me an' my Sensei,he was like my big brother, Gohan was, went to fight 'em, but they beat us good. The androids killed Gohan. So mama thought she'd build a space ship, or something, to take us away from this world and find us some allies to beat them androids. I got in mama's machine and went far away. Far, far away...I found my daddy and he trained me real good so I could beat them androids. And I did! Then me and mama were starting to rebuild our house and this town when something awful happened! All the people who survived the androids and the plague, all the people who moved back into their towns and villages from the caves and forests started to disappear. First, it was one person, here or there, that disappeared. Like they fell down a hole or got lost or got et up by a dinosaur. But then, entire families would disappear from their houses. Not a thing missing, but the people. Then whole villages would be empty. Like they just evaporated! Nothing but people went missing. All their stuff was still there. Meals on their plates. Clothes flapping on the clothesline. So I went out to see what was making folks disappear, and the farther I went the more I realized there was nobody left but was in this town here.", the wheezing old geezer rambled on.

"Did you ever find out what was taking the people?", Vegeta asked his elderly 'son'.

"YES!", he shrieked and began to laugh insanely again. "It was green! It was yea high!", he held out his hand over his head. "It came from the same place as the androids. It was a cell. It was called Cell, but it was just a larvae. It was eating people to build up it's strength."

"Eeek! Vegeta, that thing we saw earlier!"

"I know, Woman!"

"You saw it? Don't let it near you! Is it here? Don't let it near you! It ate mama and stole her machine so it could eat more people!", the ancient undergarments wailed out.

"It ate your mama? What?", Bulma, the 'mama', in question shrieked.

"It was waiting for me when I got home. I came home and the whole town was quiet. Only some of the buildings were lived in, but there should have been somebody around. So I got worried and flew home as fast as I could. This building was quiet. And then I heard a voice calling to me, It sounded like mama so I ran inside. The ki felt like mama's ki, but it weren't mama at all! It was green, but looked like an Aisu-jin creature. It tricked me! It wanted my energy. But, it was weak and I fought it off. It escaped from me and climbed into mama's machine and **_POP!_** it was gone.", he burst into dry, wracking sobs, which caused him to hawk up something phlegmy.

"Well, boy, it's all right now. Mama and Papa are here, er, sort of.", Vegeta tried to comfort the wailing, elderly Trunks. He motioned Bulma aside. "What do we do with him?"

"We can't just leave him here.", Bulma stated firmly.

"NANI?", Vegeta shrieked.

"Look, we'll bring him back to my dimension and wish him young again with the Dragonballs."

"We'll already have one Trunks, what will we do with two sons with the same name?"

"We'll just call him something else and raise him and your Trunks as twins. I mean, really, he barely remembers he's Trunks, we can just call him something else."

"Grrrrrrrrrrrrr", was Vegeta's only comment but he motioned to the old man to come along with him and Bulma.

"Wait, Trunks! This vaccine of your mama's, do you know how to make it?", Bulma questioned.

"No, but I got her papers still. They say how to make the medicine."

"Good, show me where they are."

He showed her his mothers papers and library. They were badly yellowed with age and some were crumbling. Some of the computer disks looked warped. But, most, including the notes on the vaccine were salvageable. Bulma stored them in capsules and stored them in her belt case. They got into their ship and with a rumble it shot up into the sky and **_POP! _**it was gone.

The next world they landed in was very strange, indeed.

_Bwah, aha, ha, ha, ha, ha, cliffhanger time folks. Tune in next chapter for the answers to all your burning questions. O.K., maybe not all, but some, I promise. And maybe they're not burning questions, but lightly tingling, at least._


	5. Long Lost Relatives Rear Their Ugly Head...

**A Twisted Saiya-jin Tail: Chapter the Fifth**

By: A very sad and odd individual.

Warning:All the characters in this story are out of character, including the author.

Disclaimer:If you have any delusion at all that I own Dragonball Z/GT or anything related to Dragonball Z/GT you are a dumb sap. If you are Akira Toriyama please don't sue me. I have nothing to my name but a small shrine to you in my bedroom which I light incense in front of and also use to make human sacrifices of all the people who flame me.

_In the previous chapter Bulma and Vegeta rescue the elderly version of their son Trunks from a world sucked dry by Imperfect Cell. They speed on their way into the unknown hoping to land in Vegeta's dimension to rescue **yet **another version of Trunks from a Cyborg Bulma and her boyfriend #17. Around and around they go, where they stop nobody knows! ** Bwa, ha, ha, ha, haaaaaaaa!**_

They landed with a solid ka-thump very quickly into the next dimension. But,

what time were they in, and what world? This time it was also Capsule Corp., but when was it? The dome was whole and perfect and shining. The garden was immaculately groomed. The rest of West City seemed to be equally as wholesome, clean, and prosperous, also _lively_.

"Well, I know _where _we are, but _when _is it. Could it be this Trunk's world in the past.", Vegeta said as he gestured at the ancient version of his son.

"It looks exactly like mine, actually, but the trees in the garden seem much bigger. Older.", Bulma answered.

"That's because it is your world and the trees _have _gotten older.", An older

version of Bulma said to 'herself'.

Vegeta, Bulma, and Elderly Trunks slowly turned around to face the people

behind them. What they saw was not the 'Cyborg Bulma' Vegeta left behind, but a

different Bulma entirely. And she was not alone.

"You're late.", Vegeta told 'himself'.

_This might also be a good moment for a cliffhanger. I mean, it sort of begs me to leave you hanging, doesn't it? I could decide this is the perfect moment to run to the kitchen for a sandwich or decide to wash my hair. Ooo, oooo, I know, how about I leave off writing the ending for several months. I bet that would really put a knot in people's shorts! Ha, Ha, just kidding. End of authorial chain yanking. Please continue reading story._

'Themselves' invited them to a picnic lunch with the rest of 'their' family in the back garden. 'They' seemed to be expecting the dimensional travelers and know

exactly who they were. So they followed 'themselves' into the backyard.

Vegeta and Bulma couldn't seem to drag their eyes away from, well, 'Vegeta'! He seemed like the most radically different version of _anybody _they could have imagined.! His hair, what was left of it, was cut short and spiky in a crew cut!

The younger Bulma cried out, "Oh, Vegeta, your hair! Your hair! And a mustache, too."

At this, the elder Vegeta smirked, but the younger one scowled. He didn't know

what was worse, the hair or the motorcycle clothes. "Well, _that _hair is ridiculous.",

the younger Vegeta thought, "But, the mustache isn't so bad. My O-tou-san had a

goatee and mustache. Hmm, I might try that myself. It's quite stylish."

The biggest difference was his tail! This older Vegeta had regenerated his tail!

The younger Vegeta couldn't help but think, "Masaka! Things really are looking

up! I get my mojo back! When I landed on Namek I was bored and lonely and

wishing for some tail. It looks like I really got what I wished for. Literally!"

They were so busy staring at the differences between the two it took them a

moment to notice the family waiting in the backyard. There were two young men

with lilac hair in their late 'teens who appeared to be twins seated at a picnic table.

Next to the boys was a younger teenage girl with blue-green hair. On the other

side of the table was a chibi about eleven years old who was a younger copy of the

older twins. On one side of him was a chibi who looked just like Vegeta! On the

other side was a girl, same age as the Vegeta clone, about six, who was a copy of

the teenage girl, but with green hair. On the short end of the picnic table sat a baby

in a high chair who started to wail whenever the teenage girl stopped shoveling

baby food from into his mouth.

"Well, I think you can guess who we are.", stated the _older _Vegeta.

"Kami-sama! It can't be!", yelled _younger _Vegeta.

"NANI?", shrilled the nervous _younger _Bulma.

"They are us! Future us! Aren't you?", the younger Vegeta came back with.

"Took you long enough."

"Huh, so what's with all the brats? The 'twins' are my son and this old geezer,

right? And the teenage girl is the one she," he pointed to Younger Bulma, "is

knocked up with, I think, but where did these other brats come from?"

"I can answer that.", said the teenage girl, "You hump like ferrets, duh. I mean

it's all you do. All over the place."

"Bula!", yelled her parents, the older version of them, that is.

"What? It's true! You're all over each other. _All_ the time!", she said as she stuffed some strained carrots into her baby brother's mouth.

"Well, it's nice to know we stay hot for each other, but **seven? _SEVEN!_?**",

Vegeta's voice got high and squeaky. "Condoms don't exist in this dimension,

huh?"

"They exist, but they can't stand up to your Super Saiya-jin, um, ah, _affection_.",

said the Older Bulma, "Besides, 'we' didn't _have_ that many! Just a few, really!

Besides, we had _so _much fun making them!", with that, this 'Bulma' gave her

Vegeta such a lusty look that for a moment the younger couple thought she was

going to rip off his pants and throw him down on the picnic table and make a few

more kids right then and there!

"Yuck! They're doing it again!", said the violet haired chibi boy.

"Yeah, mom, dad, don't you guys ever stop?", said one of the 'twins'. The

younger Vegeta wondered if it was his Trunks or the one they just found.

The elder couple tore their rather **_intense _**gazes from each other and turned to

the younger couple.

"I, er, have to go get…get the, um, barbecue sauce. Vegeta would you help

me?", the Elder Bulma stated.

"Oh, yeah, the barbecue sauce. Sure, I'll help you get it. The lid is really, um,

tricky to get off.", came her Vegeta's answer. With that they raced off into the

house and slammed the door shut behind them.

"They'll be back in about an hour when they're done fooling around.", said the

other 'twin'.

"So…why don't you help yourself to the food while were waiting. I don't know

what they decided to tell you about your future so please don't ask us any

questions about that. We don't want to upset our dimension's timeline.", said the

girl Bula. With this the _younger _Bulma and the _younger _Vegeta sat down and

helped themselves to plates of barbecued chicken and coleslaw and potato salad

and the rest of the picnic. The _ancient _Trunks, on the other hand, only got a jar of

baby food because of the toothlessness he shared with his infant future brother.

"Can we ask your names?", younger Vegeta asked.

"Yeah, I know they were planning on that.", came her answer, "You already

know I'm called Bula. I'm fourteen. Boys, sis, introduce yourselves to our past

'parents'."

"Drawers", said the long-haired teenage twin with a wince. Then he added, "Aged seventeen."

Vegeta sniggered at 'Drawers' and said, "Woman, you and your obsession!"

"Briefs. Aged 'ditto'.", the short-haired 'twin' indicated his 'brother'. He gestured

to his twin, "We celebrate our birthday on the date you arrived back in Mama's

timeline with us since figuring out our _real _birthdays is impossible."

"Oh, you're named after my daddy!", cried the younger Bulma happily when she

heard 'Briefs' name.

"Your father's name is 'Dr. Briefs Briefs'?", Vegeta asked incredulously. "Oi!"

"What? You were married to another me and you didn't know that?", shrieked

Bulma.

"He refused to tell anyone what his first name was. He told me to call him Dr.

Briefs or dad when 'we' got together. I can't say I blame him.", Vegeta muttered

this last sentence _very _quietly under his breath.

"Ah-HEM. If we may continue?", Bula asked her past 'parents' loudly.

"Right."

"Sure."

"Okay, next in line is me.", said the lavender-haired chibi boy. "I'm****Trunks and

I'm eleven years old."

"NANI? I thought the other boys used to be 'Trunks'?", yelled Vegeta.

"Well, **_I'M _**Trunks, now. You changed their names when you finally came to

live here in this dimension. New home, new parents, well, sort of new parents, new

lives, therefore _new _names! Besides that, you couldn't have _two _Trunks. So you

had to change their names. Then, when I came along you-", he jerked his thumb at

Vegeta. "-you said 'Looks like another Trunks'. We all also have _nearly _the same

birthday. So I became 'Trunks'."

"Those two really _are _twins. The girl is Camisole, and the boy is Vegeta Jr.

Aged five.", said their older sister. The brats indicated by Bula's pointing finger

were to busy stuffing their faces with hamburgers to speak for themselves.

"Hey, she's named after my mama! And, Vegeta, did you hear? He not only

looks like you, he has your name, too!", squealed Bulma excitedly.

"Mama wanted to call me 'Garters' or 'Pantyhose'.", the brat in question looked

up from his food and said.

"Nice to know one of our kids didn't get saddled with the lingerie names.

Yuck!"

"Hey! My mama's maiden name was Lingerie! What's so bad about that?"

"Bwa, ha, ha, ha, haaaaaaaa! Dr. Briefs Briefs married Camisole Lingerie? No

wonder why you're obsessed with undies! Ha, ha, ha, aha, ha, haaaa!"

"Oh, so what _were _your parents called? Dopey vegetable names, I bet!"

"HEY! I'll have you know-", Vegeta's outraged answer was cut off by the

return of their older counterparts. Counterparts who appeared to have been

ravaged by wild grizzlies on the way back from retrieving the barbecue sauce.

"The lid must have been really stuck.", was younger Bulma's only comment.

"It must have been only a quickie.", was Bula's only comment. "Oh, and before

I forget, last, but not least, is Baby Sarado. Six months old. Mama finally did run

out of underwear names so he got to be called after your mother." She said this to

Vegeta. "Well, she really didn't run out, but papa said he wasn't going to have any

son of his called 'Gataa' or 'Pansutto'. So he's Sarado."

"Salad? Your mother's name was Salad? Ha, ha, ha, ha, haaaaaa! And you

made fun of me? That's rich!", _younger _Bulma chortled merrily.

Whatever angry response _younger _Vegeta was going to make got cut off by the

arrival of Bulma's parents. Introductions, though hardly necessary, were made and

they settled down to the "brass tacks".

_For the rest of the chapter **Younger Bulma **and** Younger Vegeta **will be referred to as **Y.B. **and **Y.V.**, while the older version will be obviously **O.B. **and **O.V.**_

"So, you are us in the future? What can you tell us?", asked Y.V.

"Not much. We don't want to mess up our timeline so we planned on only

introducing ourselves over lunch and reassuring you that we, or I should say you

will be very happy together.", came O.B.'s answer.

"So you aren't going to give us the tiniest little hint at all how we got where

you are now? Not even a little peek into the future? Come on, you can trust us!",

Y.B. wheedled.

"No, Girl, and that's final.", came O.V.'s answer. Y.B. pouted at this, but

remained silent for the moment.

"Papa, why don't you tell them about the t.v. show about us, and the movies.",

piped up little Trunks. The ancient Trunks was still noisily slurping on stewed

prunes.

"We're on t.v.? How did that happen?", the younger couple excitedly asked the

boy while the older couple glared at him.

"You aren't supposed to be giving them hints about the future, Brat!", O.V.

said as he glared at his son. The boy slouched down in his chair and tried to

pretend he wasn't there.

"Yeah, O-kaa-san, O-tou-san, why don't you tell them? It's one thing _everybody _

would like to forget ever happened.", chimed in Bula.

"Shhhhh, girl! No more future talk!", her father yelled.

"Papa, it was a huge mistake! If we tell them they can make sure it doesn't

happen.", came one of the teenage boys.

"NO CHANGING THE PAST! WAKARIMASUKA?", O.V. roared at his

brats.

"But, O-tou-san", whined the other teenage boy, "They made me look like I'm

gay! Everybody thinks Goten and I are a couple. And every time I walk down the

street total strangers call me G.T., now!"

"Yeah, and everybody calls me 'Mirai'", the other added.

"That's not so bad as what they say about me! They say I'm with Pan and I can't

fight or go Super or anything!", yelled their teen sister. "Just because I don't go

Super in public doesn't mean I'm a wus."

"You can go to Super Saiya-jin, and don't? Why not?", Y.V. interrupted

curiously.

"I don't go Super when anybody is around. I mean, seriously, have you seen

what it does to your hair. Eeeek!", was her response.

"She's your daughter all right.", Y.V. said to Y.B. Both Bulmas glared at him

which caused both Vegetas to smirk more.

"Maybe we should tell them something about the t.v. contract, Vegeta."

"All right, Woman, but if this alters the future and the past it's on you!"

"We'll only talk about the T.V. show and nothing else. Besides, what's the

harm? We can't alter our past so we don't exist. It would be a paradox.", she told

her husband and then turned to the earlier version. "We were contacted by this big

movie producer last year to turn our life stories into a t.v. show and movies, and

somehow it got out of hand."

"Capsule Corp. got an exclusive contract to manufacture the product tie-ins

and we get royalties on top of that for them using our names and images.", Dr.

Briefs said.

"Product tie-ins?", Y.V. asked curiously.

"Sure. Video games, action figures, posters, stationary, T-shirts, oh, everything

with Dragonball on it. Every thing from screen savers to sheets and pillowcases.

Absolutely everything! And Dragonball and it's spin-offs aren't just a global

sensation, it's a _universal _sensation.", O.B. supplied. "However, the kids feel that

some of the 'dramatizations' made by the show's producers isn't compensated by

the money."

At this the kids made some surly grumbling sounds under their breaths. And

one of the teenage boys muttered, "Not nearly!"

"Dramatizations?", asked _younger _Vegeta.

"Yeah, they said 'you' had to many kids. So guess what? Me and Camisole are

one person. She plays me as a brat, and I play myself as a teen. And I can't fight!",

Bula answered before her parents could. "AS IF!"

"SO? I'M GAYER THAN FREIZA! YOU THINK THAT'S FAIR?", yelled her

brother Briefs also known as 'G.T. Trunks'. "At least he got to be cool and angsty

so chicks dig him!" He pointed at his 'twin'. "And straight!"

"So, what? Everybody calls me 'brat' like its my name.", cried Chibi Trunks.

"And I had to play one of you guys as a kid. Or you played me grown up. It's

kinda confusing."

"Well, I only got two lousy cameo roles.", said Junior, "I played papa for about

twelve seconds and then I played papa's great-grandson for half a nanosecond.

How fair is that?" He stabbed his deviled egg savagely at this.

"Nani?", Y.V. asked.

"Oh, well, they needed actors to do, you know, flashbacks for character

development, and he looks so much like me, er, **us**, I mean.", answered his older

self.

"Yes, in the t.v. show and movies we only have two kids. Well, three, if you

count the one from another dimension who travels back in time to warn us about

the coming of the androids."

"That really happens?", Y.B. asks.

"No, but the t.v. producer wanted to put one of our teenage sons on to boost

the demographic of female fans and this was a perfect excuse to sneak him in."

"Yeah, and I would have been the new star of the show if Yajirobe, he's the

Sons' agent, hadn't gotten jealous of my popularity, because he loses money when

the Sons' lose popularity. Less product endorsements, less royalties. So he pulled

some strings to have the character cancellation clause invoked and they _were _going

to kill me off, but they brought me back temporarily because of a fan based write-

in campaign.", interjected Drawers, also known as 'Mirai Trunks'. "Dad and I both

got Emmys for that miniseries."

"We sued the producers, but we had to settle for a movie deal about the life

story of 'Mirai Trunks'. The brat got an Oscar for that movie, 'though."

"I did all my own stunts.", added 'Mirai Trunks'.

"So you all are t.v. stars?", asked Y.B. curiously. "Even the baby?"

"Oh, yes, even Sarado had a role as 'Baby Trunks'.", the counterpart stated.

Their minds a whirl of facts, the younger couple and their ancient son staggered

upstairs to their guest bedrooms to rest while they waited for the Warthian crystals

to recharge.

The last thing Y.B. mumbled while she drifted off to sleep was, "Percentage of the gross versus stock options or maybe a percentage of net earnings…."

Bulma and Vegeta awoke from their nap refreshed and ready for some mid-day

snuggling. This activity was getting rather heated when they heard their guest

room door open and a little boy say, "Oh, yuck, I think I've been traumatized

again. You two fool around just as much as Kaa-san and Tou-san, I bet."

Vegeta, without rolling off of Bulma he said, "You'd win that bet, because we

_are _your Kaa-san and Tou-san. Now get out before I have to blast you into

another dimension. You've interrupted us at a rather_ critical_ moment!"

"Ewww, ugh, SUPER YUCK!", was chibi Vegeta's reply.

Bulma's only comment was "Oh, Kami-sama!" Her only comment when Vegeta

went back to what he was doing was "OH, KAMI-SAMA!"

When they were a-hem, er, refreshed from their late afternoon canoodling they

took an equally entertaining shower, got dressed, and went downstairs to see if

Bulma's counterpart had finished recharging the ship's power cells giving the

engine a tune up.

"So everything is up and running as it should?", Y.B. asked her elder

counterpart.

"Yes, you can leave at any time you like."

The rest of the conversation was interrupted by a noise that was growing

steadily louder outside the Capsule Corp. home's walls. It sounded like a flock of

overly hyper sea gulls on helium. The older couple didn't look at all surprised and

the children looked annoyed. The younger Bulma and Vegeta simply looked at

each other and then at the family curiously. The elderly Trunks didn't seem to have

any opinions or ideas about the rising noise because he had nodded off to sleep

again and was gently snoring away in a lawn chair.

"What on Chikyuu-sei is that?", asked Younger Bulma as the noise became

loud enough to determine it was mostly female screaming.

"O-nii-chans' fan girls.", was Cami's reply.

At this, both boys blushed a red worthy of Vegeta himself.

"Not all of them are girls, 'though. There are some fan boys, too!", said Y.V.

when he flew up a ways to have a look.

"Stupid t.v. show!", was 'G.T. Trunks' growled comment. He added, "Stupid

spawn of Kakarotto."

"So the Baka finally popped out a kid, huh? What's he got to do with anything?

I thought you said something about you and Kakarotto's brother, Goten?", asked a

smirking Vegeta.

"That's also the name of one of his brats. He's got three. Gohan, Goten, and

Pan. They're all-", whatever Briefs was going to add was cut off by his father, the

elder version that is.

"That's enough. We aren't supposed to be giving them too much of a glimpse

into the future."

"Hunh! Well, I don't know what the big deal is. So what? The Baka finally got

married. I bet it was to that harpy, Chichi. Right? She finally tricked him into

marrying her. That's no big deal. She did that years ago in my, excuse me, _our_

home dimension.", was the younger Vegeta's response.

"Well, I suppose….It is something you already know. Yes, Goku finally got

hog tied by Chichi. She got him drunk and he woke up in Las Vegas married to

her. But that's all we can tell you. I can't say anything at all about their kids.", then

Bulma added, "Or grandchild. Remember, we are only discussing stuff from the

show."

"Oh, Mama! What's the big deal? Gohan is a whipped, mama's boy nerd. Goten

is queerer than a three dollar bill. AND PAN IS THE WORST! She's a bitch like

her mother. We had to pretend to be best friends on T.V. and I can't stand her.

Always going on how she's a fighter and I'm a shopper! Well! I'd like to see her

survive the 75 off Post-Dende-Mas sales! She'd get her ass handed to her!",

shrieked Bula.

As her present version mother scolded her over spilling the future beans and

using foul language, the past version looked shocked and speechless while both

Vegetas shared an evil smirk over the hated Kakarotto's worthless spawn.

"Married to Chichi and the father of Bakas just like himself. Priceless.", Y.V.

thought happily to himself. "He may have surpassed me by becoming a Super

Saiya-jin first, but I surpassed him with my children. Both in quantity and quality.

Wait? Did my future Bulma mention a grandkid?" Aloud he asked "What's this

about a grandchild? The Baka has grandchildren? Which one of his brat's is

married?"

"Gohan the oldest.", came his older self's answer in spite of the older Bulma's

shriek of protest at spilling more future secrets. "Yoiks! What a spawn! The kid is

called Goku Jr. and talk about dorky! His mother and grandmother dress him up

like that kid on that T.V. show. What was he called? Steve Urkel. A complete

nancy boy."

"So he has a Gohan here as well? You did mention that. Huh, sounds as if he

turned out just like the other one in my, pardon me, 'our' home dimension.", stated

Y.V. thoughtfully.

"That's 'cause he is!", interjected Vegeta Jr. "You-" His mother clamped a hand

over his mouth before he could volunteer even _more _forbidden knowledge about

their real lives.

"T.V. SHOW ONLY! THAT IS ABSOLUTELY ENOUGH FUTURE TALK

ABOUT REAL LIFE! DO YOU UNDERSTAND? NO MORE AT ALL!",

the future Bulma roared. She turned to the younger B/V couple and said

menacingly, "Get. Into. The. Ship. And. Go. Now." In a tone that said 'no

arguments'. With that the young couple and their elderly 'son' got quickly into the

ship and roared off into the sky. There came a **POP! **and they were on their way.

"Whew, I thought you guys were going to give _everything _away and screw

everything up!", said a relieved future Bulma. "You could have erased our whole

lives!"

The teenagers gave a I-could-care-less eye rolls and snorts of disgust. The

chibis just looked confused.

Mustache Vegeta smirked evilly, "How? Remember, no paradoxes. I remember

having this same conversation fifteen years ago. As him. The past version of me, I

mean. It's already happened. We couldn't change anything that happened and erase

ourselves. It would be a paradox. You said so yourself."

"Still!" His wife grumbled. "I don't like to take chances with our real lives."

"Bah, Woman! You worry to much. Things will turn out just exactly as they

should. We _both _know that."

"Well, It was you who wanted to tell them nothing.", she answered with a flip

of her hair. "We got rid of them just in time. We have to get to the television

station for our interplanetary publicity interview with Zarbon."

"Feh, stupid PR stunts.", was Vegeta Sr.'s only response. "What a come down

for a warrior. He's a glorified gossip columnist."

When the family finished up cleaning away the evidence of their counterparts

visit when Bulma's long lost brother (DUN! DUN! DUNNN! Yes, a long lost

relative who will be explained later) arrived with his sons. Tapion and Minosha

arrived with the large man and his boys. Bulma looked up and waved them down

to the table. "They left?", asked the Brolli/Juu-rokuban look alike.

"Yes, they are gone, but you need to get ready for the interview. I left your

suits up in your room."

"Aw, Bulma, why do we have to go?", Tapion asked as he gestured to his

brother, "Our roles were hardly more than cameos and Sixteen is supposed to be

destroyed or dead or somethin'. Can't we bow out of this one.", he whined to his

cousin.

"Yeah, Bulma, can't we skip it?", pleaded Minosha.

"You skipped the last PR photo shoot so you can't miss this one, too.", the lady

stated firmly. "That goes for you, too, little brother.", she said to the large man.

"What about us? Can't we skip it?", pleaded his eldest son who looked so

much like Truten/Gotenks.

"NO!"

At this she hustled her family inside to clean themselves up. Bulma fussed over

Vegeta's and the boys' clothes and left the girls to primp in the bathroom in peace.

When they were spit polished to her satisfaction they set off for the world capital

and the television station. The two youngest children rode in a capsule car with

their mother while the other older kids flew along side with their fathers.

When they got to the television station they, the Saiya-jin and his kids and

nephews, et al. powered up to Super Saiya-jin and swooped in for a flashy

entrance. They allowed Bulma to land the air car first, and with the light of their

Super Saiyan ki flashing off the sequins of her dress, they came roaring in with a

gloriously loud **Ka-Boom!**. Following this was a quieter entrance by Grandpa and

Grandma Briefs with 'Little Brother'. After allowing the paparazzi to take a half

ton of photos or so they stalked up the red carpet for their big interview.

Things went so-so. They were asked the inevitable boring typical questions like

"does _all_ your hair turn golden?" (yes). And "will you ever formally come out of

the closet with your life partner?" (I AM NOT GAY!) and such. Along with

"What's it like being in bed with a man who has an extra appendage?" (I have

seven kids, what do you think?) Not only questions, but comments as well…."I

thought your species was dead." (There is no such race as Konack-jin, we're really

Demi-Saiyans, and we look like Trunks because we're cousins, duh! Don't you

know reality from a dumb T.V. show?), "Will your real father ever acknowledge

you in public, and anyway, how did Vegeta get pregnant?" (We're not really

Gogeta and Uubu! Vegeta and Goku are not our parents, we didn't come from

fusion, we just played the fusion characters on T.V., our parents are a Thong Briefs and a Saiya-jin.) "Why is everyone called underwear names in your family,

but you are named after rain gear and a number?" (My birth name is not really #16 or Brolli, of course, but I legally changed it from 'Thong Briefs' as soon as I um,

er, became a legal adult! For years I was 'Bob Saget, Jr.', but the names of the

characters I played on _our_ T.V. show were so popular I legally changed it again.)

The questions and comments got even more personal and the outraged

responses of the family to these impertinent questions might have caused disaster

in the past as tempers and ki flared, but since these were nothing the family hadn't

heard before, mayhem did not ensue during the interview. Much to the Saiyan and

Demi-Saiyan's disappointment.

They took another round of publicity shots afterwards and got ready to leave. There was a news stand in the lobby of the broadcasting building and Vegeta Sr. sauntered over to see if the latest issue of his favorite martial arts magazine had come out yet. Score! It was. As Vegeta leafed through it something caught his eye. Tabloids. Hmm, pictures of his sons and daughter. And Kakkorotto's spawn, too. What was the headline?

"**SHIMATTA!"**, Howled Vegeta in outrage. "**Eeh kuso! Kono kusottare!**"

"Vegeta, what is it!"

"Yes, Father, what has happened?"

"Look, look!", was the only thing he was able to sputter out while pointing at

the headlines of some of the sleazier tabloids. And have you known tabloids to be

anything else? They ran over to look. The youngest children couldn't see,

thankfully, what the others were staring at. Lurid headlines in large point font

seemed to scream out, "Pan, Bula, and Uub in polyandrous bisexual love triangle

with own brothers: Son family shocked, devastated, Briefs family supportive." and

"Vegeta real father of Son Goten II: Son Goku and Son Chichi reveal shocking

paternity test results!" along with "Vegeta leaves wife of nearly two decades for

(2) famous male co-stars: See within for shocking love-nest photos with Son

Goku and Yamucha!", "Bulma Brief's incestuous affair with twin sons: answers

the question of who does mom really love best?", and lastly…. "Krillin's

wife is really one of the Stepford wives!" which everybody ignored because it was

true.

An outraged and vein popping Vegeta powered up to a Super Saiya-jin level

nobody had ever seen before and let out a bellow of rage that shattered windows

and glass for miles! Unfortunately, so did his teenage children. While Bulma

hustled the youngest, with her hands clamped tightly over their eyes, out the door

to their waiting capsule sports car with her parents, brother, and nephews

following. The rest of the family rose into the sky. Power crackled around them in

a deadly lightning storm of ki. Just then the clouds in the evening sky parted and

the moon, in all it's **_full_** glory, came into view. Tail lashing back and forth behind

him Vegeta went, well, ape shit! Okay, okay, he went Oozaru, for you purists!

But, you get the point. Silhouetted against the sky stood a tremendous ape which

pounded it's chest and roared its rage into the night air. The photographers and

reporters and fans and all the other gawkers outside the T.V. station scattered

screaming in fear. The giant, _Kong _sized beast leaped into the air and landed with a

**THUD! **on a nearby rooftop. It was a theater headlining 'Ginyuu troop! Live and

in person one day only!' Special performance in Swan Lake. **Booom! **Vegeta

leveled the building with one stomp.He began stomping his way across the city

from building top to building top. The Super Demi-Saiyans gathered their ki and

with "Gallic Gun Attack!", "Final Flash!" and "Big Bang!" the broadcasting

building, the street, well HFIL, the WHOLE damn block went up in flames! And

with that the teenagers took off after their father.

_Somewhere faraway, and not so faraway, a group of beings sat in front of _

_a television set on a couch watching the mayhem. Four odd looking green beings _

_and one even odder looking black one. Watching over Chikyu-sei and it's _

_problems was the usual day's events. This was the usual day's event since this was _

_their job. Not watching T.V., well, except maybe the evening news, but their job as _

_guardians watching over Chikyu-sei. As they sat on the couch the teenage one _

_held out a bowl of crushed ice to the oddest. _

_"Namekian pop corn, Popo-san?". _

_The black one held up his own bowl and answered, "I got the real thang, _

_dawg." _

_"I wish you'd stop copying those rappers, Mr. Popo.", said the elderly green alien. _

_"Oh, Great grandparent, unclench!", said the young alien sitting next to him._

_"Word.", the odd black being added while the elderly Green Being grumbled about the way kids acted these days._

_"Offspring, behave yourself. You are the next Kami-sama, show the old fart some respect." _

_This caused both oldster and youngster alike to grumble, but they were cut off by the arrival of a third green alien who sat next to them and said, "So, Nail, what's on tonight? Anything good?"_

_"Usual crap.", came the answer._

_"Reality television, mainly, but we found a monster movie.", added the youngest green being._

_The other middle aged green alien watched as a giant ape swatted at airplanes while it clung to the top of a skyscraper. "I like the one with Mothra better."_

_"Mecha Godzilla and Rodan are da bomb, Piccolo-sama.", added the very odd black being._

_"Yeah, they're pretty good, but I like Reptillicus the best.", said the green kid._

_"No wonder you kids today turn out so ignorant. Watching this kuso. Your _

_parents should have you meditating or fasting or something constructive. Instead _

_of rotting your mind watching television.", the old green geezer interrupted with. _

_The great grandchild glared at him._

_Another green being, a guy between the elderly fellow and the two adults in _

_years, had come up behind the couch to watch what was going on and hearing _

_this said, "Feh, that's a real laugh! The original dead beat dad is criticizing my _

_offspring's child rearing choices? That is RICH coming from you! Especially _

_since you never raised your child."_

_The elderly green alien settled back and grumbled to himself about 'evil _

_offspring' and 'fat chance letting them absorb my ki' and 'should have made the _

_Saiya-jin the new Kami-sama'. The just-past-middle-aged alien pulled up an _

_armchair and sat down to watch._

_"Did you say there was a monster movie on, Dende? Am I in it?", he asked._

_"Yeah, but it ain't 'bout ya all, Ma-Mao. It's da one wit' dat big monkey in it.", _

_they odd black being answered before the green teenager could._

_"See if one of the Godzilla flicks is playing. I can't stand King Kong flicks. The _

_big ape movie reminds me of Goku."_

_The odd looking black being picked up the remote and obliged._

Meanwhile, Mustache Vegeta was rampaging through the city stomping all the

newsstands, newspaper publishers, magazine editors, radio stations and news

organizations flat along with all the 'adult' bookstores and as well as the occasional

ordinary bookstore that featured 'tell all' biographies. His three oldest offspring

swooped in afterwards to finish off any and all survivors. When all the hated

purveyors of smut were destroyed they **swooshed! **off to another city to cleanse it

of the dreadful, insulting lies written about them. When they finally finished

leveling every newspaper and magazine press on the planet they came to rest in

that enormous desert they always ended up fighting in.

"Well, let's see 'em slander the Saiya-jin noh Ouji again!", a powered down

Vegeta panted.

"Yeah, let's see what they have to say about us now!", his daughter added.

"You know what? This is all those Sons' fault, too! Let's teach them a lesson, too."

"Oh, Bula, you just want an excuse to pound on Pan-chan. They wouldn't like

those stories any more than we do.", interjected Drawers, a.k.a. Mirai Trunks.

"Chisana koe de, boy, the girl has a good idea!", her father said with an evil

smirk.

Boy Briefs smacked his fist into his palm and said with an evil smirk

worthy of his father, "Yeah, let's pay my pal Goten a visit!"

"You three do what you like, but I'm going to see how Mama is doing.", said

his twin who streaked off into the starry sky like a comet.

The remaining royal family members went Super Saiya-jin and scorched off in

the direction of Mt. Frying Pan. When they arrived Vegeta went Oozaru once

more and the ass whooping was on! Vegeta vs. Goku, Bula vs. Pan, and Briefs vs.

Goten. Gohan, the son, not grandfather, made to join in the fight, but his mother

gave a harpy-like screech and ordered him to return. His wife came out and began

to berate him for wanting to join the fight. Goku II sniveled into his mama's apron.

The Son family received a short, savage beating and then Vegeta and company

took off with a triumphant roar of victory toward home.

"What in HFIL was that all about?", said a bruised and dazed Goku.

"Search me!", said Goten, "I've never seen hot, little Briefy-wiefies so worked

up!"

"Yeah, what's the big deal? Miss Priss has never gotten _that _angry with me. Not

even if I pull her hair when we spar.", added Goku's daughter.

"I have no idea what that uncivilized baboon was thinking. I don't know why

you three even associate with that jumped up trash! That Bulma is nothing but a

common trollop and her husband is a rotten, slimy little bastard. Always have been

and always will be! And it shows in their children. Queen and King of all Saiya-jin,

indeed!" came the harpy's shrill response.

Just then newspapers that had been stuck to Vegeta's Oozaru fur came fluttering to Earth around them. Gohan picked one up and began to read.

He started to laugh and laugh and laugh. He dropped the paper and doubled

over laughing. The others raced over to him to see what had caused his merriment.

"What, What is it?", shrieked his mother.

"What's so funny?", shrieked his equally shrill wife, Videl.

Unable to answer from his convulsive laughter he thrust the papers into their

faces. They huddled around and read what had set off Vegeta's rampage and

Gohan's hysterical laughter.

"Vegeta real father of Son Goten II: Shocking paternity test results inside!"

"Polyandrous Bisexual Love Triangle?"

However, other headlines seemed to enrage them more.

"Pan loses her lover Uub to her own brother!"

"Gohan leaves wife for Namek lover, Dende!"

"DBZ Girl on Girl action: pictures of Bula/Pan and Chichi/Bulma at their Hottest!"

"Well, they got one right at least.", said Gohan when he was able to speak

again. And he pointed to one of the tabloids of the sleazier 'alien goat impregnates

watermelon with Elvis clone' sci-fi variety. "'Gohan forced to dump hot, blond

girlfriend to marry clone of his own mother!'" This caused both his mother and

wife to turn on him shrilling angrily.

_And so ends chapter five, but wait there's more! Please read chapter six to find out what happens next._


	6. Fancy Meeting You Here!

**A Twisted Saiya-jin Tail: chapter the sixth**

By: A raving lunatic.

(My mom says Hi!)

Disclaimer:I am just a fan. I don't own Dragonball or any of it's characters, spin-offs, etc. Come on, folks, you know I'm not Akira Toriyama and I'm not making a yen off any of this. So tell the copyright lawyers to turn a blind eye. Pleeeeease!

Warning:Everybody out of character, naughty language, etc.

_In the last chapter Vegeta and Bulma ran into themselves fifteen years into the future and met their future offspring. They also discover they are the stars of an insanely popular t.v. show and movies. And as a result even more filthy rich and famous._

_What else will the future hold? What will the past hold? What will the present hold? Read and find out._

Vegeta and Bulma looked out the portal as their ship roared up into the sky and down at their future family. With a loud **Pop! **they were once more within the swirling, sickening colors of non-time and non-space. They settled back into their seats with a sigh.

"Well, that was certainly……different.", Bulma finally said. "Wow. That is the only thing I can think of when I think of our future. 'Wow'."

"Wow just about covers how I feel, too.", came from Vegeta. What he was thinking to himself was, "Kuso, maybe this was a huge mistake. I mean, tied down with _seven _kids! What have I gotten myself into? Do I want to be the typical boring suburban mini-capsule-van driving dad? Sounds pretty boring."

Whatever Elderly Trunks was thinking is unknown because he had lapsed into la-la land and was currently staring off into space and gently drooling.

"Wow! Things really turn out great, don't they? I mean who would think we'd have that many kids? Or that much money, I mean, Capsule Corp. is really rich and powerful, but we really clean up on that T.V. deal thing, and we're super famous, too!", Bulma happily babbled on.

"Yeah, super.", was all Vegeta could say while he secretly thought, 'How in the HFIL do I get out of this? And I thought my first Bulma was a nightmare. Masaka!'

While Vegeta was contemplating dumping his new Bulma the ship began to vibrate and shudder in some sort of back draft in time. Bulma checked the readings on the monitor and began pressing buttons. Then with a **Boom! **they dropped into a new dimension on the same old Chikyuu-sei. It looked just like the one they had left!

"Woman, I think you made a mistake. This is where we just came from."

"Looks like it, but according to the sensors it is actually a totally different plane of existence."

"Hmm, I'd better look around. Stay here and make sure our old brat doesn't wander off and get into trouble." With that Vegeta took off out the airlock and was flying away.

Bulma yelled for him to wait but he pretended he couldn't hear her. He swooped off in the direction of what felt like his own ki. In a matter of minutes he had come upon, well, _himself_. He landed in front of yet another Vegeta. He looked to be the same age as the one they had just left, with hair cut short, but no mustache. Vegeta couldn't tell if he had a tail or not. He wasn't wearing any motorcycle leathers, either. He was wearing a cheap suit and a tacky tie.

"Did we meet before? Or haven't we met yet?", demanded Vegeta of himself.

This new version of Vegeta didn't look shocked, just wary and tired. "Who are you? You look just like me. Are you a sibling or something?", was all he asked in a _tired _tone.

"Or something is correct. I am you from another time or another dimension."

"Really, well that's great.", was the new Vegeta's answer in a tone that said he couldn't care less.

"Right. Now where is that Baka, Kakarotto? Is the rest of his family here? Or did you get lucky?"

"You mean Goku? He has a wife and kids and one of his brothers. Is that what you mean?"

"Sure, so he's married to Chichi and has that nancy-boy son, Gohan, here, too? You said 'kids'? He's got more than one here, eh? Well, that was like the dimension I just came from. Have the killer androids shown up or is it before they show up? Have you ascended to Super Saiya-jin yet? Did you just return from planet Namek?", Prince Vegeta asked Cheap Suit Vegeta.

All of a sudden the other Vegeta perked up considerably with new interest in his time/dimension traveling counterpart. "I just returned from Namek, but Goku isn't married to Chi--! Er, yeah sure that's right! Goku married Chichi and the Nancy boys are _their _sons! So you're a Super Saiya-jin? Well, I'm working on it still." He set his briefcase down and came closer to Prince Vegeta. "But what's this about killer androids?"

"Well, obviously I must have come before they show up. Are you shacking up with, er, I mean married to Bulma yet? Has she already had our son Trunks?"

"Um, yeah, I'm really having a great time with Bulma, but there isn't any kid yet. So you mentioned something about killer androids?", said the suddenly very _alert _'Salary Man' Vegeta.

"Ah, yes, the Baka tangled with the Red Ribbon Army when he was a kid and pissed off this old fart called Dr. Gero. Well, the Baka showed this guy Gero and a Commander Violet mercy instead of killing them all off and they come back years later with these two dollies called Number 17 and Number 18. A prize winning pair of pains in the buttocks! Well, they kill off the Z-senshi and, and, ah, cause me a lot of trouble!", Vegeta didn't feel like telling 'him' that the 'trouble' was his original Bulma dumped him for Tinman. "Goku had died of heart disease by this time so I was out of allies. Bulma made a time machine and I, uh, **_we _**started traveling around looking for a new world to settle in." Vegeta decided that telling him the tale of two Bulma's was a little embarrassing since it would lead to the revelation that one Bulma preferred the company of a mannequin/vibrator toy to him.

"So Bulma and _I_ are happily married.", the other Vegeta said to himself while starting to smirk his usual smirk. "Things are looking up!", he said under his breath.

"Are we ever married! I just popped over from _**our** _future! Seven kids, a television program, and universal fame! Not to mention heaps of money! And a stylish new wardrobe and a _mustache_!"

"Fame, fortune, mustache? Seven kids? Well, well, well!", came 'his' reply. "Seven! Any sons by chance?"

"Five! Can you believe it? And two daughters! The boys look like me, well, us, more or less.", Vegeta decided not to mention the silky, manageable lavender hair. It was simply too un-Saiyan and silly! "The girl are copies of their mother."

"Riiiiiiight, well, that is _excellent_! I bet the boys are plenty strong, too."

"So are the girls! I took the liberty of filching a scouter from one, um, certain dimension I visited and a snuck a look at their power ratings. They had suppressed their ki, but all of them are Super Saiya-jin. Well, the baby wasn't, but in a few years he will be for sure."

"Child Super Saiya-jin? All of them? All? Well, well, well!", said this new Vegeta as he rubbed his palms together and gloated greedily. "That certainly is…is …ah, unbelievable!"

"Yeah, tell me about it! What a drag. Tied down with Bulma and a bunch of Super Saiyan chibi! As soon as the time hopper touched down I took off."

"Drag? So your Bulma is no fun? You don't want children who are Super Saiya-jin? What was that you mentioned about fame and fortune?"

"Oh, Bulma is fun all right. All we've done since we've met is fool around. Night and day. I guess that's where the seven brats come from. But the kids and the fame are starting to sound like a drag. Do I want to be chained down in some dimension where the world is my oyster? Rule the universe? Be King of all Saiya-jin? I don't have to struggle for anything? I mean, there's more to life than book signings and photo shoots and partying. What about training and fighting? Do I just want to do that as hobby? With no decent opponents?"

"You train and fight as a _hobby_?", asked the short-haired Vegeta. "You have no opponents stronger than you? Because Goku is dead?"

"Oh, sure, I'm the strongest." Vegeta decided a little exaggeration to make himself look better was in order. "All day I train in this special room Bulma and her father designed just for me. You can raise the gravity and spar against specially programmed robots. It's how I got strong enough to become a Super Saiya-jin.", Vegeta bragged to 'himself'.

"Well, that sounds very, _very _interesting!", said this timeline's Vegeta. He smirked, "Well, what about these androids you mentioned? Can you help me get rid of them?"

"Would you turn down an opportunity to kick a droid's data port? Of course!"

And so they were off to where Vegeta remembered Dr. Gero's lab to be. Far off in a remote mountain valley they spotted the underground entrance. They swooped down and with a "Big Bang Attack!" and "Final Flash!" the doors were blown in. There was Dr. Gero and Androids 13, 14, 15, and 19, Dr. Wheelo and some woman in a military uniform that Vegeta #1 assumed was Commander Violet. The group looked totally stunned to see the dynamic hair-duo. Well, they looked stunned for about twelve seconds. After that they looked like rejects from a scrap yard junk heap.

"Well, that's that.", said the current Vegeta brushing dust from his hands.

"Not quite. Those weren't the only androids. There should be two more.", then he thought about what Ancient Trunks told him. "Maybe more."

They cautiously searched around the underground laboratory for more androids and came upon three coffin-like metal boxes.

"These are more androids or cyborgs. There should be a remote control around here somewhere.", Vegeta the wild-haired stated.

"Right. I'll look over here if you search around there."

As they searched around the lab Vegeta, well, _our _Vegeta, stumbled upon what looked like a regeneration chamber with a green _something _wriggling around inside the bubbling water.

"This doesn't look like it's going to turn into something nice like a sweet little butterfly.", Vegeta said and powered up. "Better safe than sorry." **_Fizzzzz, Ka-Boom! _**

At that moment he heard the other Vegeta shout from across the room. "Found it!"

"Heh, heh, heh!", said his pointyness. "Let's see how this thing works. Hmm, pretty straight forward." He began twiddling the controls and then he pushed the fat red button in the center. **_Beep! Beep! Beep! _**The large computer said, "Self-distruct sequence has been initiated." All the while **_Beep! Beep! Beep! _**filled the room.

"I think now would be a good time to leave.", said the buzz-cut Vegeta.

"Yes, I suppose so.", and with that they took off out of the secret hide-out and took to the sky.

"Do you suppose we are far enough away?", asked the current version.

"Yeah, we should be fine.", came the pointy-one's reply.

Just then there was a loud explosion and the shock wave knocked them out of the sky. When both Vegetas got up and dusted themselves off they looked toward the mountain. Or rather, they looked to where the mountain used to be. All that was left was a rather huge crater and a dusty mushroom cloud rising up toward the heavens.

"Well, I suppose that's that.", said our pointy prince charming. "I better get back to Bulma, now. Togetherness is okay, but really, I needed some space. It's was great getting away."

"Why don't you two get some more space?", said the trimmed Vegeta.

"Nani?", said a distracted Vegeta while he dusted off his gloves. They were no longer the gleaming white he preferred. Which is why he didn't see the rock embued with his alter ego's ki coming down on his spiky-haired skull.

"So long, sucker!", said the current version to himself. "If you don't want gobs of money, a hot wife, and kids that **_don't _**bring shame on the Saiya-jin race, you can have this lousy life!" With that he took off into the afternoon sky toward where the other Vegeta came from. "I'm taking off in your ship as soon as I can find it! Any world is better than this one!"

His counterpart merely groaned from his resting spot on the ground.

When he finally came to he couldn't say if he had been put out for mere minutes or for a longer stretch of time. He shook his head and looked around. The crater was still smoking quite a bit so his mugging must have happened recently. He took off to where he left Bulma, Old Trunks, and the ship. It was still there! He swooped in for a closer look just as he sensed a group of ki approach from behind him.

"Well, Baka, it's about time you got here.", he said without looking behind him.

Just then he spotted the other Vegeta coming out of the ships portal. Well, _running _out of the ships portal! Followed by a high pitched shriek of "Ecchii!".

The familiar ki signatures drew closer.

"Whoa, totally rad! Two Vegetas!"

"Astute as ever, Krillin.", Vegeta replied without turning around yet.

"You look like you did when you first arrived here, Vegeta." At this voice Vegeta turned around.

He looked this world's version of Bulma up and down and gave her a long, low whistle. "Nice. Since when can you fly?"

"Since I decided it was the only way I could keep up with my husband. I made myself a special gravity-defying suit. I'm still working on the helmet, 'though."

"Doesn't work?"

"Nope. It works fine. It looks dorky. Like one of the Power Rangers.", said this Bulma. "And I've yet to solve the problem of 'helmet hair'."

Vegeta #1 took in the rest of the Z-senshi. They were pretty much the way he remembered them. The only difference was that Raditz had joined them complete with gaudy orange gi.

"So what do I owe the welcoming committee to? I just rid your timeline of killer androids. You should be thanking me."

At this they looked at each other with alarm and began to chatter nervously to each other.

"Killer androids?", said Goku. "Timeline? Why are there two of you, anyway?"

"I've come from another dimension in the future. I have been traveling with my wife and my son, well, one of my sons. When I arrived here I realized it was in a past before some unpleasant events occur. I decided to help 'myself' out and eliminate the threat. He repaid my by knocking me out, for a mere moment I assure you, and then tried to steal my ship _while_ apparently trying to seduce my wife."

"The 'unpleasant event' was killer androids? Who do they kill? Why didn't you, Goku, and the Z-senshi destroy them?", asked the current Bulma.

"Well, Woman, Goku will die of a nasty bug he caught on Yardrat.", this caused a sensation of unease amongst his audience. "The rest of the Z-senshi were typical useless cannon fodder. Which left me and I was out numbered."

"So are you going to introduce us to the rest of your family, or what?"

He gestured for them to follow him down to the ship.

When they landed Time-Traveling-Bulma ran out shrieking, "Vegeta, oh, Vegeta, you'll never guess what happened!"

"A sleazy version of me tried to kidnap you and steal the ship?", he asked.

"NANI? How did you know?"

"We already met earlier."

The Z-senshi looked a little taken aback to see Bulma and exchanged glances with one another out of the corners of their eyes. And Bulma and Goku exchanged _especially _meaningful looks.

"Um, you said you were traveling with your wife? Well, 'Bulma' wouldn't happen to be her, right?", asked the _Other _Bulma.

"Of, course, Woman, who else would I be married to?", Vegeta asked perplexed as he looked back and forth between the two.

"Well, it's a long story….", said Son Goku.

_It's flashback time again, folks._

The night sky flashed with lightning and rumbled with thunder. A familiar snake-like shape began to form itself in the dark clouds.

_"Reflect a moment upon your desires………"_

Emperor Pilaf and his gang had appeared and Bulma was sure they were going to kill them all. The seven glowing crystalline spheres floated around the giant beast. She had to beat the little blue creep to the dragon. If he ruled the world it wouldn't matter if his 'minions' killed them or not. In fact, hell would be better than a world run by him. She and Oolong were neck and neck for the finish line and they both shouted simultaneously their 'desire'. So did the others, 'heroes' and 'villains' alike, a moment too slow, but whatever they said was lost in a crack of thunder.

"A prince!"

"Panties from a hot girl!"

**"Granted"**

The dragon soared upwards toward the heavens. The spheres scattered to the four corners of the globe. The night sky became peaceful and still once more, and the stars appeared, bright and sparkling. Everyone present paused what they were doing.

The angry, ugly blue gnome-creature snarled, "What was granted? I'd better be king!"

Everyone looked around at each other. Hmm, good question. In the starry sky some sort of black ovoid appeared. It grew and grew until it was about ten feet long and slightly more across. It was like a black hole. A whirling vortex suspended in midair. And suddenly a far off scream could be heard quickly coming closer and closer. Out of the night sky plummeted a human figure, well a humanoid figure in any case.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII", shrieked the creature.

**Whaaaaaaaaaam!** It crash landed on Emperor Pilaf and mashed the little jerk flatter than a tortilla. The creature stood up and stood silhouetted in all it's _short_,pointy-haired glory. The hovering vortex slowly shrank to nothing and disappeared.

Yamucha looked at Puar and said, "I think we need some light."

"Yes, master!", she squeaked in reply and transformed into a flashlight.

Bulma turned to Oolong and said with a glare, "YOU TOO, Porky!" The pig grumbled but complied.

The being turned out to be a short kid wearing nothing but a pair of pink lace panties! Everyone was rendered speechless. Except for the er, person they all starred at.

"What just happened? Where am I? WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS? Do you know who I am? I demand you tell me! I am the PRINCE of all Saiyans! I demand you answer me!"

Everybody turned and starred at each other open mouthed in shock and then turned back to the angry mini monarch.

"KUSO", He screeched. "ANSWERS!", which was punctuated with a **HUGE **Ki blast.

They barely had time to dodge it. All at once they all started babbling answers;

"Dragonballs……"

"…your heart's desire!"

"All that stupid pig's fault…."

"……Poor Emperor Pilaf is dead!"

"I should have wished for the strawberries…!"

The last one was chorused by Mai and Shuu. Every body turned to look at them standing over what was left of Pilaf. What wasn't smeared down the pointy headed guy's front, that is. It was nasty and squished out of any recognizable shape.

"'Poor'? 'Poor'?" Bulma demanded. "Are you crazy? How can you even care about him? He treated you like crapola! He blamed you for his mistakes and beat you! And worst of all, he was going to kill_ me_!", she yelled down at them.

Suddenly she thought of something, and she turned to the outraged stranger. "You killed him?", she said slowly as if realizing something. "You killed him and saved all of our lives! You saved _my_ life! You're a hero! You're a hero and a prince!", her voice rose excitedly as she ran up to him babbling, "You're _my_ hero and _my _prince!"

Then, without a thought for Pilaf goo coating the peeved and pointy potentate, she flung her arms around him and started smothering him with kisses.

Between kisses, "You saved…" _**smooch** _"…me!" **_smooch_** "You…" **_smooch _**"…saved me!" **_smooch _**"I think you're really terrific!" **_smooch smooch smooch _**"Really, really, really terrific!"

The pointy haired teenager's reaction to being kissed by teenage pinup girl was not the usual reaction of a typical teenage boy. With a look of complete revulsion he shoved her off of him.

"Uuugh, oh, gross, ALIEN SLOBBER! Stay back, you hideous freak of nature! Come near me again, and I'll blast you into the next dimension!", he yelled as he spit the girl taste out of his mouth and then rubbed the back of his hand across it. "That was completely disgusting!"

_A short flashback intermission……_

Vegeta groaned and said, "I can't believe 'I' turned out to be a complete baka in yet _another _dimension! So 'I' didn't take the opportunity to be with Bulma here, either? I'm almost afraid to ask, but who did I end up with? And for that matter, who did _you _end up with? That weakling Yamucha?"

"Yamucha? He _was _with Mai Muu, but she ran off when she realized he would never give her the Dragonballs to wish Emperor Pilaf back to life."

"So who did you marry?"

"Why Goku, of course."

"AAARGH"

_And so ends chapter six, please tune in next time at the same Dragonball time, at the same Dragonball place next chapter. Hey, am I like talking to myself here? How 'bout some reviews damn it!_


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